It's been a long time since I've worried about money.
I had a moment today, where I just... lost it. I cried, my head hurt, I couldn't complete a thought.
We're broke.
I was trying to think about what to make for dinner, and will I need to grab anything from the grocery store while we were already in town to make that happen? And I just... couldn't even think. I couldn't think of what food we had in the house, what food I COULD make, what was even a side dish... nothing. Just blank.. random, chaotic, unable to connect the dots.
So I just cried. It's been a long time since we were in this tight of a spot. And I know it will get better. Circumstances surrounding hubby's work schedule and my pregnancy caused a few issues with his last 3 paychecks, so we've been pinching it tightly during this time. But as tight as we go, we're still not getting the two ends to meet. And today we finished it off.
He gets paid again this coming Friday, thank God. And we'll be OK. We'll be OK until then as well, I'm sure of it.
I'll just have to cancel the two doctor's appointments we have this week- one tomorrow, one the next day... there's just no way we can afford the gas. Life goes on.
It's definitely been a reminder of how we once had to live. I'm not saying we're rolling in cash around here now, but we're much more comfortable than we ever were before. We still live paycheck to paycheck, but I can usually make the last little chunk of paycheck stretch for 2 weeks after I pay bills. Not this time.
It wasn't but 4 years ago we were barely able to pay the bills and feed the kids, and we only had 2 on solid food at the time. We racked up a bit of debt in the prior years because of just not having the income to cover daily necessities and utility bills. And to think how I've complained about not being able to buy something unnecessary in recent years. Oh what a revelation this last month has been.
I can't believe how long it's been since I had an anxiety attack over money.
I'm so very thankful for that.
Thank you, God, for my husband's job. Thank you, God, for lenient landlords. Thank you, God, for food on the table- even if it is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Any day can be a good day if it has babies, baking, or Adam Sandler!
I know exactly how you feel!!(((((HUGS)))) The only reason is i am the only one working and i have HAVE to take leave to have this baby and to be at home for a bit so while you at least have a dh that can work you are blessed in different ways!! I am also at the point where i dont know what we are going to do for money our dryer went out yesterday and my older kids need clothes for summer nothing fits and i dont even have the money for any of this!! Talk about a freak out moment!! Gas is outrageous and i just dont want to go to my appointment because there is no point in my opinion!! Call me!! Heather!!
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