Tis the Season...

November, December... it's the holiday season.
Decorations.
Magic.
Joy.
Laughter.
Lights.
Music.
Food.

So why does it always make me so sad?
Why does it always make me so unhappy?
Why do I want to hide in my room til January?

I really thought that moving south would take this away. I thought the snow and freezing cold was a major contributor to my feelings. It's too cold to go out. It's too messy to go out. It's so gloomy outside.

But here I am. It's 80F in December. I have the air conditioner on. It's sunny out.
And I still feel like shit.
I still feel like hiding in a hole.

I try so hard for my kids. If it weren't for my kids I wouldn't decorate. There wouldn't be any magic. I wouldn't smile. I wouldn't laugh. The Christmas lights wouldn't matter. I wouldn't sing. I wouldn't cook. (OK I'm sure I would cook... but not like a family feast).

We decorated the inside of the house. Got the trees out. Decorated the TV shelf. I'm not sure what to do with all the crap I had to move to get the big tree up, but I'm sure I'll figure it out soon enough. I don't really want to, or care. But it is kind of sloppy in here.

*Sigh*

I really do hate feeling like this. Which is why I try so hard to make my kids happy. I just wish it would just go away so I could be happy too.