Being a Christian can be hard.

As I'm sure you've read in other posts, we are a Christian family. We are non-denominational. We do not go to church very often. I have an incredibly hard time finding one that I like, agree with, and suits my spiritual needs, so I just don't go. For me, I'd rather not go and just keep God in my life, than go to one that I dislike or don't agree with. That just feels hypocritical to me. And when it comes to choosing a church, my most important issue is ME. I don't go for other people. I don't go just to fellowship (although that part is nice). I go because I need it. I do enjoy learning from the preachers, but I don't need to sit and be preached to about forgiveness. I'd much rather learn about stories in the Bible and the morals therein. I need my specific spiritual needs met, I don't honestly care at all about other people's spiritual needs when it comes to choosing a church for my family. If your church works for you, that is awesome for you and I am so happy for you. But I haven't found one that works for me.

So, we just do the best we can here at home. I don't read my Bible because to be honest it's just over my head. I do read children's Bible stories to my kids though, and that is nice!
 We pray a lot. Individually and as a family.

But mostly, we include God in every move we make. And that can be very hard.
God doesn't tell me what to do or which decision to make. I sure wish He did. But instead He closes doors, opens windows, and lets me figure out after the fact why He moved us down one path instead of the other.

And God seems like a procrastinator in my life. Nothing seems to happen, we're praying about a decision to make, and nothing is going on... then suddenly in the blink of an eye everything is happening all at once and changes are being made faster than I can sometimes handle. So it's like He just puts off and puts off and puts off... then realizes that the deadline is up and He has to move things around RIGHT NOW to get it done. LOL Kind of like I sometimes do in my life (flight of the bumble bee cleaning, anyone?)

Hubby and I are faced with another important, potentially life changing decision, and are seeking guidance from above... and as usual, there's just nothing.
Then some paperwork issue happened with his drivers license, so, as a Christian we look at that from 2 angles- angle 1: This is a test. angle 2: This is a shut door.

While I feel a certain way, I know I have to let this play out. People are going to be irritated at hubby, someone is going to be disappointed... but more importantly, our family will be hugely effected one way or the other. And our future really depends on this choice.
If he stays, we can follow through with our 5 year plan. In the mean time, he will be very absent from our family. There are things I can do, and DO to include him - nightly phone calls to the kids, driving out to see him and have dinner, etc. We will just miss him so much while he is at work.
If he goes, he will be home every day. But our 5 year plan will be gone, as his paycheck will be cut in half. We will likely not have a chance to leave this area for many years. Like Montana, we will be in the same place for 5+ years. We will not be able to buy a house. We will not be able to start our farm.

So what do we pick? Instant gratification of being a complete family now? Or future security and missing him 2 weeks at a time?
So many signs point to the latter.  But then there's two or three that pop up and say "no, just keep pushing through and you'll be moved to the other job". UGH.

I wish God would just TELL ME what to do. Just TELL ME where we are meant to be. Drives me nuts sometimes. I'm content with either decision, I just need to KNOW which choice to make.


You Know Better Than I

I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here
So I put up a fight
And told you how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear

Chorus 1:
You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing
I don't know is part of getting through
I tried to do what's best
But faith has made it easy
To see the best thing i can do
Is to put my trust in You.

Chorus 2
For, You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

Coda:
I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who taught that bird to fly
If i let You reach me
Will You teach me.
(Repeat Chorus )

For, You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
I'll take what answers you supply
You know better than I

1 Year Pledge

Hubby and I talked the other day and have decided to make a pledge to ourselves.

We've already been 90% processed food free for many years. But we've decided to do our best to be 100% processed food free, and as much organic as possible (budget allowing), and as much natural food as we absolutely can.

I have decided that I will continue buying the non-organic Bountiful Baskets, because I know the founders do their best to make sure our produce is very high quality. (And I contribute for 3 baskets each time... that would be an extra $30 per week, $60 per month! I'd rather spend that on organic milk)

Based on price firstly, I have decided to not buy organic eggs. I will be buying brown, cage free though. The second reason that I would rather buy just cage free, and not organic cage free is because the organic ones all say the chickens eat a vegetarian diet, and I do not like this. I understand that they would need to be vegetarians in order to control their food intake to ensure organic quality, however chickens are supposed to eat bugs. And I'd rather eat eggs from chickens who are omnivores. I do not know if the non-organic ones are all vegetarian also, I have only seen one package that said they were also vegetarian, so I get the ones that are cage free but do not specify that they are vegetarian, as that tells me the chicken farmers do not try to control the chickens eating bugs.
I know I'd be better off getting eggs from a local farm, but I haven't found one yet, so for now this is my best choice.

The reason why we have set a 1 year 'goal' is for 2 reasons- #1 it's January, so it will be easy to remember when our year is up. #2 As I've stated, we've been MOSTLY processed free (and completely organic free) for several years and have not noticed any benefits to our health or weight. (In either us or our children)
I am testing our bodies and the 'organic' food market to see if there truly is a benefit in our bodies by making the switch.
I will read labels and make sure I'm buying food with real ingredients. I have already removed margarine from our home and replaced it with butter, and sour cream riddled with thickeners and other junk I can't sound out with real sour cream. I've made my own yogurt and will continue to do so, and won't buy any more bread- it doesn't take long to make a loaf with my bread machine, so I will just do that. I will make pasta when I can, but I do have some whole wheat pasta in the cabinet for back up. And I will continue to make mayo. I did most of the year last year, but bought a jar a while ago and just finished it up.
I'm also going in on a grass-fed beef co-op. And have been buying local, raw honey.
I will be weighing and measuring my kids and myself tomorrow so we have a starting point. Also going to take some undies only pics so I can have a visual (I want to try and take these pics at the beginning of each month as well to attempt to view progress).
And, thanks to Bountiful Baskets, I have started juicing, and will continue to do so. I am starting with 1 glass of juice per day. (This is home made, green juice, where you run your fruits and veggies through a juice machine.)

We'll see what happens!

Menu day! Part 1-Inventory

Last Thursday I took inventory of my freezers. I wanted to have a physical list of what I have on hand. Normally I have my fridge/freezer side-by-side in the kitchen, and my 2 stand up freezers for back stock. Unfortunately one of my stand up freezers is currently out of commission. Which is very sad. The good thing is that we were unable to go hunting this past season, so I didn't actually need the room. And I do have a second fridge/freezer side-by-side that I am using as well right now, so I'm OK on freezer space for the time being.

I was surprised at what I did and did not have.

Now, I'm going to show you my inventory list.. but I warn you- it looks like chicken scratch. I'm only showing it to you to give you an idea of how easy it is to do.

 

The items I put the lines through I used this weekend or decided to throw away. I also picked up a few items while I was out at the store on Friday and added those in (black ink).
Now I'm going to input these into a spread sheet, print that out, and hang it on my freezer doors so that I can keep a constant, accurate inventory of what I have.

Saturday was our Bountiful Baskets day, so I took inventory of the produce I got from there.  I went ahead and did not list the items that I have set aside for juicing, and a portion of the items that I know will get eaten fresh. I also added in the produce that I purchased from the store this past week because it was SUCH a great price I would have been an idiot to pass it up.


Produce Inventory

Spinach x 2 lb
Celery x 7 stalks
Carrots x  10 multicolored
Brussel Sprouts x 4 lbs
Sweet mini peppers x 2 lbs
Grape tomatoes x 2 pints
Avacados x 9
Green bell peppers x 8
Red bell pepper x 1
Lettuce x 1 head
 Onions x 3
Garlic x 1 head
Strawberries x 2 pints
Apples x 20 lbs
Bananas x 10 lbs
Oranges x 2 lbs

I went ahead and added the fruits at the end, after substituting about half of them to be eaten fresh, and juiced, because I may want to make more yogurt or a special dessert or something.

Next up- dry goods!

I really don't have many. It's been a long time since I bought canned veggies.

Canned goods:
Whole Tomatoes 1 family size can
Sweet Peas 1 can
Tuna 2 cans
Beef Consomme 1 can
Broccoli Cheese Soup 1 can
Cream of Chicken soup 1 family size can
Hunts Pasta Sauce, Four Cheese, 2 cans
Chicken Broth 1 box
Sweetened Condensed Milk 4 cans (I have no idea why I have these)
Evaporated Milk 4 cans (also have no idea why I have these)

Pasta:
Penne 1 small bag
Manicotti 1 box
Lasagna 2 boxes
Fetuccini 1 box

Rice and other grains/dry items:
Steel Cut Oats 1.5 jars
Grits 1 jar
Long Grain White .5 lb (eek, I'm almost out!)
Short Grain Sticky >1 lb
Brown Rice >1 lb
Spanish Rice 1 box
Corn Husks 1 bag
Pinto Beans appx 10 lbs

Ground grains:
White Flour 2.5 containers appx 25 lbs
Whole Wheat Flour 1 1/4 bags appx 7 lbs
Corn Meal 1.5 containers appx 7 lbs
Masa 1.5 containers appx 7 lbs
Sugar 1 container appx 9 lbs

Spices: (appx measurements)
Salt 1 can
Pepper 1 can
Ground Cumin .75 jar
Ground Thyme .25 jar
Rosemary appx 4 tbsp
Parsley Flakes appx 3 tbsp
Paprika .75 jar
Caraway Seed 1 jar
Fennel Seed .60 jar
Ground Coriander Seed .30 jar
Mrs. Dash Chipotle appx 1 tsp
Ground Cloves >1 jar (more than I'll use in a lifetime I'm sure)
Whole Cloves >1 jar
Dill Weed 1/2 can
Ground Allspice .30 jar
Ground Mustard appx 2 tbspCurry Powder .75 jar
Crushed Red Pepper .75jar
Chili Powder .5 jar
Ground Cinnamon .25 jar


So many times I've gone to the store, came home, and realized I didn't have certain spices on my list.. oregano, nutmeg, and cream of tartar being 3 main ones that I always forget until I need them. So on the list they go!

I've never inventoried my food like this before. It's quite revealing. And in doing so I now have first hand realization of the importance of doing so. I've always read about other menu makers doing it, and I've just never bothered. I'm very glad I did!!

Next- part 2; Creation of the menu, categories and laying it out

Cheesy Cauli-Carrot Soup!

I'm going to be completely honest.
I wasn't prepared to post this here before I started cooking tonight.
I've had this dish on my menu for about 1 1/2 weeks now, and finally did it tonight.
And I just wasn't prepared for the awesomeness.
So I don't have super great pictures.
But I DO have a super great recipe!!
So- enjoy!

Cheesy Cauli-Carrot Soup!

Ingredients:

2 heads of cauliflower
1 lb. bag carrots
4 cups chicken broth
6 green onions or 1 yellow onion; diced
1/4 cup coconut oil or butter
1/4 cup flour
4 cups half-and-half
3 cups shredded cheddar cheese
1 tsp salt; 1 tsp pepper

Tools:
baking pan
large dutch oven or stock pot
medium sized sauce pot
Stirring spoon
Whisk
Knife
Cutting board
Food Processor (or blender, I haven't figured out the difference yet)

Directions:

Preheat oven to 400F and move your baking rack up to the slot above the middle. (cause if you're like me, it pretty much always stays dead center.)
1) Cut cauliflower heads into chunks. Discard greens into compost. Lay chunks on baking sheet. Bake 10-15 minutes until soft.
2) While those bake, pour broth into large dutch oven or stock pot. Bring to a soft boil. Add onions. Continue boil on medium heat.
3) Transfer baked cauliflower to food processor and puree until all the small pieces are even sized. (do not add water)
4) Add cauliflower puree to pot of broth. Turn heat down to low, cover, and simmer.
5) Cut tips off carrots and lay on the baking sheet. Bake for 10-15 minutes until soft.
6) While carrots bake, melt the coconut oil in the sauce pot. Add flour and make a roux. Whisk constantly and don't let it burn! One cup at a time, pour the half-and-half into the roux. Whisk to break up the clumps. Let it get hot before adding the next cup. Continue whisking until sauce begins to thicken and all clumps are dissolved. Pour into cauliflower pot, stirring to incorporate. Add cheese and mix to melt. Add salt and pepper. Cover and keep on low.
7) Transfer carrots to food processor and puree. Stir pureed carrots into soup. Remove from heat, serve immediately.

For a smoother, less chunky soup, steam the cauliflower and carrots instead of baking them.

Pregnancy- Week 31-32

This is an old post that never got published.... would have been written in early April of 2011.

So I've lost count, as usual. But I'm somewhere in there.
I spoke with hubby, again, about homebirthing 7. The first time I brought it up, I asked him if he would be OK if I didn't wear the contraction and heartrate monitors during labor, if I had 7 in the hospital. His response was "IF you go to the hospital? Where else did you plan on having the baby?"
The second time I brought it up, I told him I was reading up on homebirth, just in case. "Just in case of what?" he asked me. So I explained to him- he works at least 1 hour's drive from the house, and the time it takes him to just get out of the mine to a phone is undetermined, then he has to get a ride home, which can take an hour or so. So if I was to try and rely on him getting home and helping me pack up the kids, then driving me an hour to the hospital, we may be in the same situation we were in when Nicky was born, only this time, I won't stop myself from telling him to pull over.

Welcome 2013!

Well, it's only January 7th and I've already had some pretty exciting events this year!

My grandfather is now in his own apartment.

Bountiful Baskets is this week, and this is our first week for the year! The organization took a break
for Christmas week and New Years week- which were both of our weeks (since we only do bi-weekly contributions) so it's been like 6 weeks since we had a co-op!

I FINALLY have all of my Christmas decorations down. They are not all put back in their boxes, but they are all on the table ready to be packed up.

And I've taken on a personal 30 day challenge to drink only water, coffee, and carbonated/flavored water I make with our new Soda Stream. I buy the little squirt packs of water flavoring and use those in my carbonated water from the Soda Stream and they are pretty darn tasty. Maybe I will work myself down to only water, but for now, I know I will get burnt out on nothing but plain water, AND I LOVE my coffee. I have 2 cups in the morning, every morning. And I figure, if that's all the 'bad stuff' I consume all day, then I'm still doing good.

With such a huge amount of stress being gone from my life, I'm excited to be back to my super scratch cooking, real food eating, and menu planning. In the last week I have spent an amount of money that I am afraid to even add up on an amount of fast/processed/restaurant food that I am afraid to even think about. With my back acting up, and 3 long distance trips, Bubby's birthday, spending a few precious hours with daddy, and the money being "there", I've allowed myself and my family to eat out a lot in the last 2 weeks. So I've banned eating out again. My body/stomach has let me know how much it is effected by the 'food' I've been feeding it as well.
So I'm extra happy that I'll be getting Bountiful Baskets this Saturday as well to help me get back on track with the raw fruits and veggies. Buying that stuff from the grocery store is so much more expensive! And I love the variety I get through the co-op.

I also plan on making tortillas, bread, and pasta this week. I am out of wheat flour though, so I'll be using unbleached white flour, but I figure it's still a notch above those products purchased at the store since mine won't have the preservatives.

And I WAS going to make my menu this week for 2 weeks, but I have decided to just use what I have on hand through this week and wait until Saturday to do my 2-week menu. This is for 2 reasons- #1, Bountiful Baskets; the fruits and veggies in the baskets are a surprise. We never know what we'll get until Saturday when the truck delivers! So I do my best to plan my menu around the produce I get through them. And #2, Pay day is the Monday following Bountiful Baskets! So I can make my grocery list on Saturday, and go shopping on pay day!

I made a craft and homeschool calendar too, and I'm going to work on getting that going this week... I made myself goals for last week, but I just have to face facts that last week wasn't a good week to do ANYTHING! Now it's time to get back to the nitty-gritty! :)

Random thoughts about Vaccinations. And my Stance.

As a parent, you pretty much don't have a choice but to have some opinion about vaccinations.
It is a sad reality that most pediatricians do not fully discuss vaccinations with parents.
They shove a consent form in your face, then shove 4 needles in your kids legs, full of at least 4, sometimes 6, 7, or 8 vaccination concoctions.
Doctors utilize many scare tactics to make you believe you are doing the right thing, protecting your child, and protecting others.
Children may lose government assistance (could they? I don't know. That was a scare tactic used against me- if I didn't get my baby her shots we *may* lose our WIC), they may not be allowed to enroll in public school (it is possible to get an exception, but from what I understand it's kind of up to the discretion of the school board or principal or superintendent to accept it-their hands are rarely as tied as the parents). They may not be allowed in daycares. They may not be given specific medical treatment (someone I know has been bullied into getting 3 vaccinations or her surgeon will cancel her very important back surgery.. who says they wouldn't do that to a child??).

Thanks to the internet, I've had the pleasure (most of the time) of chatting with a great many mothers (and some papa's) that I never would have had the chance to meet or know otherwise. And in many groups the discussion eventually comes up about vaccinations.

Like any other medical procedure there are pros and cons. There are benefits and risks. Taking Tylenol has both benefits and risks. Undergoing surgery has both benefits and risks. And getting vaccinations have both benefits and risks. It's up to us as adults to decide which is greater- the benefit or the risk.
If I take an Ibuprofen or receive a shot of Toradol, I will have an anaphylactic reaction. Therefore I have been warned against taking any kind of anti-inflammatory medication. I may be ok. I may struggle to breathe for 10-20 minutes. Or I may die. Those are the risks. The benefit of the anti-inflammatory medication is that I should feel a little bit of relief in my lower back pain. The amount of relief I feel is unknown. It could stop the pain almost completely. It could ease it from a screeching banshee to a dull roar. It could do nothing.
So I have to choose. Do I try out a different anti-inflammatory and see what happens? Do the potential benefits outweigh the potential risks?
In my specific case, no. Hell no. No way will I ever willingly or knowingly take an anti-inflammatory. True, it could only cause some mild irritation for a short period of time. Or it could kill me. Not sure I'm willing to play Russian Roulette with a pill just yet.

The exact same scenario is given to every parent when it's time to get their shots.
The benefit of the vaccination is that it SHOULD protect the child from contracting whatever virus they are vaccinating against. Assuming the immune system of the child can create the antibodies to kill the virus in the vaccination.
The risks of the vaccination are kind of a mystery. You can expect your child to have inflammation at the injection site, and possibly a fever for the next 24 hours. Assuming their immune system can create the antibodies to kill the virus in the vaccination... and the rest of the crap in the vaccination doesn't harm or kill the child.
Vaccination risks include, but are not limited to allergic reactions, swelling, severe flu/pneumonia, developing sensory processing disorders, heart failure, brain damage, and death.

So as parents we have to look at this information and decide what to pick. Yes, give your child the chicken pox vaccination and hope for the best, or let their own immune system learn how to battle it out and not worry about those risks.

It's a tough choice. And as parents we always feel guilty. There's never a perfect answer.

Here's what I don't understand about "the vaccination debate".
 
Most of the time I see a vaccination debate it goes something like this:

Vaccinations save lives. You are killing our babies, children, and future by not giving them.
VS
Vaccinations are poison. They are killing our babies, children, and future by being given.

But the thing is I have never seen a non-vaxer tell someone who vaxes that they shouldn't do it unless they are asked their thoughts and opinions. Most of the non-vaxers I know are pretty content letting other parents shoot their kids up, so long as they have done their research, it's their choice as parents. And as long as our rights to not vaccinate are not infringed on, then we're pretty mellow about the discussion. We like to say things like "I won't do it to my children." "MY children will not be vaccinated."
Whereas the other side tends to get pretty heated. They like to use the same scare tactics that the doctors do to try and convince non-vaxers how horrible they are and how they're going to destroy the world or some such nonsense. We're killing our kids. Our kids are not safe. Don't drink after our kids.
They like to say things like "It is imperative that you vaccinate your children." "YOU should vaccinate YOUR kids."

In conclusion I'd just like to pose this question.
Why do those on the vaccination side of the debate even care who is or isn't vaccinated?
If your kid is vaccinated shouldn't he be safe?
If he is protected, then why should you care whether my child is not?
If your child has received the chicken pox vaccination, then it shouldn't matter if he is in the same room, same bed, sharing a soda with my child who is currently infected.
So who cares?

Parents- just be sure you do your own research. Look into BOTH sides. Don't just research "why vaccinations are bad" because you will get a lot of misinformation. There's a lot of people who would wish that vaccinations didn't even exist and they have their own scare tactics and conspiracy theories. So be sure you research "why vaccinations are good" as well so that you have a better grasp of the whole story. There's just as much misinformation about why they are good as well, so try and read as many different sources as you can. Just make sure you don't believe everything you read on the internet, and make the best, most informed decision you can for your babies.