The Watchful Eye of the Uninformed

Some days I hate being a parent. When you become a parent, your entire life becomes a specimine under the microscope of society- and everybody has their eyeball on you. The only 'safe' place is in your home; and even then you have neighbors who can possibly hear you and/or your child- so God forbid either one of you screams.

EVERYTHING you do is judged.
Beware the funny pictures of your 14 month old passed out in his exersaucer with a spread of half gnawed, fully slobbered Cheetos laid out in front of him- for you will be judged for it.
Be cautious of how many friends you have over throughout the period of a week, lest you be labeled.
Don't show pictures of your child in a car seat, because SOMEONE is going to disagree with where or how you have it installed, and then someone ELSE will find something completely wrong with it.
Don't tell how you discipline, or THAT you discipline, because you will be looked at as abusive by at least one person.
Be sure you leave your children at home, drug your children, or bring ear plugs with you when you go to the grocery store- just be sure you don't tell anyone you've given your child Benadryl, or that you have ear plugs in, after all, shouldn't you be able to handle your children?
And for the love of GOD don't attempt to discipline, talk to, or threaten your child out in public. It doesn't matter what you say or how you say it, there's a chance you will be stopped and fussed at, and an even BETTER chance you'll be someone's post on Twitter.

Some things can be avoided, it's true. But the situations are different on a person to person, child to child basis. And you may or may not know the reason why you're seeing what you're seeing.
You may be one of these people- watching. Watching for other moms to mess up. Waiting for your chance to show off how much better of a mother you are, or would be if you had children.
Or maybe you're not, but you still take a second look when you see something maybe you don't or wouldn't do, and then you disapprove. And by disapprove, I mean judge.
Unfortunately it's in our nature to look at something we don't like or agree with and think, 'OMG I can't believe......'.

But you know what- we have no idea. We are clueless. We are uninformed.

Not everyone can be completely patient with their child 100% of every day. If you can, God bless you, but I can't. My children get on my nerves sometimes. My children make me angry sometimes. And others do too.
Children are not always well behaved, children don't always listen- it's part of growing up. And sometimes we get down to the last time we can possibly say "go pick up your toys" without yelling.
And maybe someone walks in on you yelling at your child. And instantly they scowl. But they have NO idea.
They don't know you've led your child by his hand for the last 3 hours encouraging him that he can do it, and giving him direction after direction, do they? Of course not, they just walked in and you're screaming.

And maybe you don't know that the 14 month old passed out in his exersaucer has been fighting his nap for the last 2 hours and his mother hasn't been able to get a thing done for being tugged on, screamed at, cried to and made to drop everything she is doing to go back and forth from trying to get something accomplished to putting the toddler back in bed. You don't know that she's tried everything she can think of to get him to just calm down and take his nap, but he still refuses! So finally, in a desperate attempt to do whatever it is she needs to get done, she puts him in his saucer with some Cheetos so that he is in eye sight, contained, and happy. And finally he succumbs to exhaustion and passes out. I know I certainly would NOT be attempting to move that child. Unless some part of his body had circulation cut off, he would nap there and that would be a triumph! And how funny is it that he did finally crash face first in a tray of cheesy snacks? And the picture is shared on Facebook. And you look. And you scowl. Because all you see is that second. That flash of a moment in time when a 14 month old fell asleep in an exersaucer after his mother fed him something as horrible as Cheetos. You have no idea what just took place the last 2 hours. NONE. So while you say, "How dare she?" I say, "How dare YOU?".
This is the same scenario at the grocery store. For hours you've attempted to get your shopping done. You have your list, you've waited til payday, you pack your child/ren up and take them to the store with you. After endless hours of piling your cart high and fighting with your toddler to behave, you can't take anymore. You're sweaty, the cart is heavy, and your child, who has done nothing but argue, fight, attack, bite, grab, run, scream, hit, and throw fits because he doesn't get what he wants, for the last 5 aisles (AKA 2 hours) finally pushes you to your breaking point. So you stop in the middle of the aisle and get your face close to his and tell him through gritted teeth that when he gets home he is getting a spanking and going directly to bed! And to just be QUIET the rest of the trip or he will not get to play with his toys all day tomorrow.
And you uninformed people.... you judgemental know it all's. You have NO idea. You see the last desperate attempt of a mother to get her chore done and get out of that place and go home, and you just can't stop yourself from opening your mouth and bashing that mother. And again, I say, "How dare you?" Dare I say, "Shut up and mind your business." Because you are clueless.

And maybe you have an amazing group of friends that you consider family, and they love to come over and help you out and spend time with your child. Maybe you have a secret illness or mild disability that makes it hard on you to move a whole lot sometimes. Does it make you a bad mother that you're not 100% mentally or physically well? Does it mean you're incapable because you can't do it by yourself 100% of the time? Absolutely NOT. Being a parent is hard. And we, as mothers, take from ourselves to give to our children. We deprive ourselves of rest, food, material items, health care, and sanity- all for the sake of the betterment of our children. So an onlooking neighbor, who is uninformed, has NO business thinking anything of how many cars come and go.

Or perhaps you have to give your child an appropriate dosage of Benadryl to get through the store peacefully? Perhaps you don't brush her hair or change her out of her play clothes to go buy food. Maybe you're gasping at the thought! But you are uninformed. You don't know that the child is autistic. You don't know how she reacts to busy crowds without being slightly drowsy. You don't know how she screams and cries and hits and bites when you try to brush her hair. Or how she howls like a banshee and runs and hides at the mere sight of you pulling out a fresh dress for her to change into. So instead of fighting- LITERALLY fighting this poor child who would be happy to go with you if you'd just leave her alone, you give in and take her out looking scruffy and mismatched. And you, as her mother, KNOW how she literally screams at the top of her lungs and hits herself in the head, and pulls her hair out, and bites and hits YOU when you even pull in to the parking lot at the grocery store. Yet you have no one to watch her so you can go- and why is that? Because when you take her to someone else's house, or attempt to walk out the door while someone else is in your house she runs to the corner and curls up into a little ball screaming "MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY" banging her head on the wall and crying until she passes out. And yet someone would dare judge you for giving her a small teaspoon of an over the counter medication whose side effect is drowsiness just so you can get in and out without you or her losing clumps of hair.

So be careful parents.
The watchful eye of the uninformed is everywhere. You're a parent now, and they're certainly paying attention to YOU.