Can't Sleep

Anyone remember that episode of "The Simpsons" where Bart got that clown bed and would sit there clutching his knees to his chest, chanting, "Can't sleep, clown will eat me."? Every time I hear/read someone say "can't sleep" his little voice pops in my head and I finish the sentence- "clown will eat me".
 
It's funny the things we remember. That's pretty much what this post is all about. Remembering.
Many times I find myself laying in bed unable to fall asleep because my brain won't shut up. It just drives me batty for what feels like forever- just remembering.

And the worst part about remembering is that I can't change it. I can't do anything about it. There's nothing for me to learn from it. It needs to just stay in the past. So why, suddenly, is my brain digging it up?

For example- tonight my brain is reminding me of when I worked at Thornton's on the help desk. Mainly, it's reminding me of the day I got fired- playing the whole scene out in my head.
And for what purpose? It was over 4 years ago. Yet, I still feel the anger, pain, helplessness, and shock.




Why does my brain love to torture me?








Sometimes I just wish I could remove the memory section of my brain. I envy Drew Barrymore's character in "50 First Dates"

Every night she goes to sleep she forgets the whole day. And she can only remember from the day before her car accident and before... so it's not like she forgot EVERYTHING- just everything after the accident. She can't retain any new information.
Well let me set my date for what I when I want to start forgetting.
Probably everything from 2005 til like 2010. That whole chunk can just go away... I'd be ok with that. I don't really remember Nicky's birth anyway because I almost died. And I don't remember much of his infancy because I had such bad PPD. God what a screwed up year that was.

See... sometimes I just hate remembering. I can't remember what I WANT to remember, and what I want to forget won't go away. I don't understand it. And it makes me horribly sad.

I wish we could pick and choose what we remember. Maybe we'd all be a lot less screwed up.