I got a new laptop!

Who doesn't love new toys?
I know I do!!
My old laptop was in need of replacing, so I got a new one in the mail yesterday. It's an Acer replacing my Compaq.

You know the only thing I hate about a new computer?

I don't mind moving files over.
I don't mind downloading pictures to discs.
I don't even mind re-downloading programs.

I hate losing my bookmarks and passwords!

Man, what a pain!!!

Shhhh..... it's a secret......

Shhhh... it's a secret
So keep your voice down
Don't spread my problems
All over town.

Shhhh... it's a secret
And I'm too scared to say
I might be embarrassed
I might be ashamed

Shhhh.. it's a secret
I don't want to tell
I'm having problems breastfeeding
I can't do it well.

Shhhh... it's a secret
My milk just won't come
My baby is unhappy
And I'm feeling dumb.

I do want to breastfeed
But don't know what's wrong
If my baby can't eat
It won't grow healthy and strong

But, don't tell anybody
It'll just make me sad
And make me feel like
I've done something bad

So I'll just lay here with my baby
Give it a bottle day and night
Since the doctors all say
Formula is good enough, right?

Yeah, I'll just do that
Since it's easier and to do-
To give my baby a bottle
Than tell my secret to you.

Peace, at last!

Last night, after I was exhausted with an immature 'who can have the last word' game with my ex, I wrote him a very long letter and then re-blocked him on Facebook. In my letter, I had an epiphany.

He and I have gone to court for 2 really big issues, and both times I didn't get what I wanted. Both times, the judge was lenient to him. I admit, the last time he was also very good to me, but I was selfishly mad that he gave him what he did. But the first time, I felt completely screwed over.

So in my exasperation last night, I had a realization.

I simply haven't been putting enough faith in God.

No, I didn't get what I wanted the first time, and I was really upset at the judge because she was very mean to me, and yes she babied him, regardless of whether he deserved it or not, however, in the long run, it worked out in my favor. You see, since he still owed me so much in back support, I wound up getting his federal tax return in 2010. And it came 1 week before we went on vacation to visit my friend, right when we REALLY could use it.
And no, I didn't get what I wanted the last time we went to court either, in fact, I really felt like the judge gave him a little extra, BUT I also didn't have to go back to KY to go to court like he wanted, the judge allowed me to attend over the phone. I also didn't have to pay $500 in court costs like he wanted, the judge waived that.  And, I also didn't have to go to jail for 30 days like he wanted- the judge waived that as well.

So, while I didn't get exactly what I wanted at the time, in the long run, it all worked out in my favor. It took a few years for the plan to work out, and for me to realize all of this, but I do see it now.
And now I have peace.

I no longer am stressed about this situation. I see now that no matter what the judge rules this time around, it is going to work out for the big picture. Even if we don't get exactly what we want from the judge, I now understand that God has such a greater plan than I even know. And I need to stop being selfish.

If we win, we will praise him.
If we lose, we will praise him.

God knows what's best for me, and my daughter. God will take care of us.
I feel so good right now. There's 1000 lbs that have been lifted from my shoulders. And I'm not mad anymore.
Hallelujah.

Duck... duck.... duck.......duck........duck.........duck........

GOOSE!

Who remembers that one from childhood?

My son had soccer practice tonight. Which meant I had 4 other kids to keep occupied while he was practicing. The coach's wife also has 2 little girls that play while their sister practices.

My boys are, well, boys. They are rough, rambunctious, gruff, horseplaying boys. They barrel rush one another and slam into each other. They play tag, and when they get to one another they whack the other to tag them. My 2 year old, especially, is a huge linebacker of a baby.

Well, apparently these two little girls just aren't used to roughhousing. And Tommy was scaring the crap out of the younger of the two while they were chasing each other around.

Sissy wanted to try and play 'red light, green light', but the little ones just didn't understand. So I suggested 'duck, duck, goose'. It worked out really well! The kids were having a ball!

In the middle of a round, soccer practice was over, and wouldn't you know it, the soccer players all came over to the circle as well! They all played for a few minutes, while the other moms and I giggled at the situation.

Finally, one of the moms told their boy it was time for them to go. He didn't want to leave, so I had to tell my kids it was time to go in order to break it up.

I'm so proud of myself! :) Score one for my ole broke down memory!

Dear God,

Maybe I'm not a good enough Christian.
I don't believe God actually punishes us, but I believe He won't intervene if there is a lesson to be learned.

Maybe God wants me to be more Christian. I don't go to church. I cuss frequently. I don't read my Bible. I don't pray as often as I should. I forget to thank God for the good things sometimes. I forget to ask him for his guidance all the time when I should.

If I were a better Christian, would he have helped me out tonight. Maybe he would have given me what I wanted... what I needed.

I understand that sometimes he doesn't give us what we want because he knows what we need. But I don't understand how going to court and giving him what he wants is what either I or my daughter need.
How can turning her life upside down, when she's so fragile right now anyway, possibly be what she needs?

So what is my lesson? What am I supposed to be learning? Am I supposed to start being a better Christian? Would that persuade God to move in my life... in this situation? Would that please him so that he will give me what I want to make my life easier?

Maybe I've just been having it too easy up here... life in Kentucky was hard, and I still managed to go to church every Sunday. An hour drive each way, broke as broke could be, and I made it. And here, life is much easier, and I have a church right across the street from me, and I don't go. I don't set the alarm to get up and go. Is that what God wants me to do? I'll do it. I'll do anything.
Just make it go away.  Please, just fix it. I'll do anything.

Dear God,

Please stop confusing me.

I've lived here for almost 4 years and have tried hard to connect with other moms and attempt to get my kids involved with groups to make friends, and have constantly hit road blocks.

Now we're looking to move across the country and suddenly I'm meeting new people- many of which are new homeschool moms! And our kids are close in age!

I've stopped promoting my dog grooming business for the most part because i didn't want to draw a bunch of new clients just to leave this fall. So I've got 1000 mailers sitting in my pantry collecting dust.

So, please, God, please stop confusing me. Stop making me think that we're moving one day, and staying the next. If we're meant to stay here, great! I'll buy a house, really work to get my dog grooming out there, replace the craptastic trailer that I work out of with a nice one, and let myself get involved with these wonderful new women I'm connecting with.
If we're meant to leave, that's great too! Just let me know so I can do what I need to do to get out of here.

I'd sure appreciate it.
Thanks,
7

now what?

That's the burning question isn't it?
Now what?

When I started this blog, I had high hopes of doing certain things a certain way. I'm not one for maintaining a specific theme, such as many other awesome blogs out there that are ONLY about sewing, or ONLY about crocheting, or ONLY about... whatever. My blog is about ME, no matter what I'm doing, whether it be sewing, cloth diapering, being a mom to my 5 kids, or just giving me a place to lay out my frustrations.

Originally I wanted to do a weekly music spotlight... that didn't work out. I got a few in, but never on a weekly basis, and I haven't been inspired to do one in quite a while.
Then I wanted to post my weekly menus... that went out the door about 2 months before 7 was born, because I stopped doing them IRL.
I wanted to share my cloth diapering journey.... that hasn't happened either.
I intended to talk about crafts, crafting, and fun sewing projects I was working on.... and really, I barely have time TO craft and sew, much less take pictures of it and write about it!
And my composting/gardening? HA! The reason you haven't seen any follow up posts in the composting category is because I haven't DONE anything else with it! And my garden? Well.. I suppose I could show some progression pictures... if you can discern the plants form the weeds.

So, now what?

I did one cloth diaper review. I do plan to post a review of the rest of the WAHM diapers I own, but I don't have many. I don't intend to ask anyone for any free diapers TO do reviews on- I will just post the ones I do have in my stash and leave it at that.

Also, I'm not sure what to do with the layout of my blog. It seems... clunky. Not hugely easy to navigate. Very basic and plain. And really... I don't need anything 'professional'. But I want it to reflect me and where I am going with this thing.

I'm not very funny, or quirky. I don't have much witty banter to offer. I try to be as uplifting and encouraging as possible, but still be ME.

I don't know. There's a whole slew of crossroads in front of me right now. So many times in life we come upon two paths, and we have to ask God which one we're supposed to take. Sometimes we get a definite answer... sometimes we don't. There hasn't been many times that I've had multiple forks appear before me at one time.... in fact, I can't even remember a time when I've had to make so many life altering choices in such a short period of time.

I've been trying to be patient. I've been trying to be open minded. I'm doing my best to let God just lead me... and that in itself is hard. As humans we like to know what's around the corner. We like to know what we're going to be doing tomorrow, where we'll be living, that we are secure in our environment. Constantly wondering and worrying if tomorrow you'll be jobless or homeless, have food on the table, or need to sell everything but the clothes on your back.... that's a stressful way to live. And I don't think we were made to be able to handle that.
But then you throw in 5 little ones that depend on you. 5 little ones that don't understand why things aren't the way they want them. 5 little ones that just want to spend time with you, but you're so stressed out you can't play with them without snapping at them.

I'm not sure how much longer I can keep that up. I hate how I behave. I hate who I am.
So, now what?

one day i'll look back on this and laugh....

isn't that what you're supposed to say during a time of extreme stress?

i'm just not sure when i'll get to that point.
there's just such a huge amount of crap going on right now.
i don't feel equipped to handle all of this.

i've got custody woes.
Hubby's job is playing games again.
We're not sure what we're going to do with the rv.

If that weren't enough 7 is crazy crabby this  week. 4 freaking days of nonstop 'hold me or i will scream'.

i want to move. hubby only wants to if he can get paid similar what he's getting paid now.... which is pretty unlikely, this is the most he's ever made and he's been working in the same field for 25 years.

he would prefer kansas. i would prefer texas.

and the world spins round and round.

Clover Hill Crafts -CDR

After 2 1/2 years of cloth diapering, I finally had a chance to buy a Clover Hill Crafts diaper!
3 actually!!
I bought 2 used, and scored 1 new!

CHC diapers are One Size fitteds.
HERE is one place you can get them. HERE is another.

One of the ones I bought used has shot elastic, so I will have to replace it before I can actually put it to use, but I do that anyway through my Hyenacart store (Daisies) so it's no big deal.
The other one I had originally bought for Tommy, it has a robot print, but alas, he's ginormous, so it doesn't fit him well. Which is not Clover Hill's fault, it's labeled as: 10 lbs to 35+ lbs, and I CAN put it on Tommy, but it just doesn't fit well. The rise is too low, the thighs are too tight, he's just a big 38-40 lbs baby.

 











 I got REALLY lucky and scored a Bubble Gum Giraffe for 7. I LOVE the print, and it's hard to find... ok well, maybe not necessarily HARD to find, but EXPENSIVE to find. So rather than spend the $20 a yard on the fabric, I just paid $20 for the diaper already made :)
The Bubble Gum Giraffe is a T&T which means it's turned & topstitched rather than serged edges.
It has a snap down rise with 2 settings, and a crossover tab with 2 settings.

7 is just under 10 lbs, but she's a skinny 10 lbs due to her previous eating issues, so it's still a bit loose on her legs, but it fits well on the waist.

The inside of the diaper is made from a super soft, orange CPV (Cotton-Poly Velour) and the 2 part petal-soaker is topped with the same CPV, but uses OBF (Organic Bamboo Fleece) as the absorbent material.
The 2 petals each have 2 layers, so I can remove the bottom layer if I want to, but since it's a fitted, I can't see me ever doing that, however, I do still like having them separate like this to make my wash cycle more thorough and my dry cycle shorter.

Overall this diaper is very well made, extremely functional, and will fit 7 for a very long time.