now what?

That's the burning question isn't it?
Now what?

When I started this blog, I had high hopes of doing certain things a certain way. I'm not one for maintaining a specific theme, such as many other awesome blogs out there that are ONLY about sewing, or ONLY about crocheting, or ONLY about... whatever. My blog is about ME, no matter what I'm doing, whether it be sewing, cloth diapering, being a mom to my 5 kids, or just giving me a place to lay out my frustrations.

Originally I wanted to do a weekly music spotlight... that didn't work out. I got a few in, but never on a weekly basis, and I haven't been inspired to do one in quite a while.
Then I wanted to post my weekly menus... that went out the door about 2 months before 7 was born, because I stopped doing them IRL.
I wanted to share my cloth diapering journey.... that hasn't happened either.
I intended to talk about crafts, crafting, and fun sewing projects I was working on.... and really, I barely have time TO craft and sew, much less take pictures of it and write about it!
And my composting/gardening? HA! The reason you haven't seen any follow up posts in the composting category is because I haven't DONE anything else with it! And my garden? Well.. I suppose I could show some progression pictures... if you can discern the plants form the weeds.

So, now what?

I did one cloth diaper review. I do plan to post a review of the rest of the WAHM diapers I own, but I don't have many. I don't intend to ask anyone for any free diapers TO do reviews on- I will just post the ones I do have in my stash and leave it at that.

Also, I'm not sure what to do with the layout of my blog. It seems... clunky. Not hugely easy to navigate. Very basic and plain. And really... I don't need anything 'professional'. But I want it to reflect me and where I am going with this thing.

I'm not very funny, or quirky. I don't have much witty banter to offer. I try to be as uplifting and encouraging as possible, but still be ME.

I don't know. There's a whole slew of crossroads in front of me right now. So many times in life we come upon two paths, and we have to ask God which one we're supposed to take. Sometimes we get a definite answer... sometimes we don't. There hasn't been many times that I've had multiple forks appear before me at one time.... in fact, I can't even remember a time when I've had to make so many life altering choices in such a short period of time.

I've been trying to be patient. I've been trying to be open minded. I'm doing my best to let God just lead me... and that in itself is hard. As humans we like to know what's around the corner. We like to know what we're going to be doing tomorrow, where we'll be living, that we are secure in our environment. Constantly wondering and worrying if tomorrow you'll be jobless or homeless, have food on the table, or need to sell everything but the clothes on your back.... that's a stressful way to live. And I don't think we were made to be able to handle that.
But then you throw in 5 little ones that depend on you. 5 little ones that don't understand why things aren't the way they want them. 5 little ones that just want to spend time with you, but you're so stressed out you can't play with them without snapping at them.

I'm not sure how much longer I can keep that up. I hate how I behave. I hate who I am.
So, now what?