Dear God,

Maybe I'm not a good enough Christian.
I don't believe God actually punishes us, but I believe He won't intervene if there is a lesson to be learned.

Maybe God wants me to be more Christian. I don't go to church. I cuss frequently. I don't read my Bible. I don't pray as often as I should. I forget to thank God for the good things sometimes. I forget to ask him for his guidance all the time when I should.

If I were a better Christian, would he have helped me out tonight. Maybe he would have given me what I wanted... what I needed.

I understand that sometimes he doesn't give us what we want because he knows what we need. But I don't understand how going to court and giving him what he wants is what either I or my daughter need.
How can turning her life upside down, when she's so fragile right now anyway, possibly be what she needs?

So what is my lesson? What am I supposed to be learning? Am I supposed to start being a better Christian? Would that persuade God to move in my life... in this situation? Would that please him so that he will give me what I want to make my life easier?

Maybe I've just been having it too easy up here... life in Kentucky was hard, and I still managed to go to church every Sunday. An hour drive each way, broke as broke could be, and I made it. And here, life is much easier, and I have a church right across the street from me, and I don't go. I don't set the alarm to get up and go. Is that what God wants me to do? I'll do it. I'll do anything.
Just make it go away.  Please, just fix it. I'll do anything.