Men Vs Women. The stay at home debate.

I'm a stay at home mom. I have been for just over 4 years. I worked full time when my first two children were babies, but I was unmarried, therefore qualified for daycare assistance. I worked a little during my third pregnancy, but became very ill, and had to quit. Then hubs and I decided it was time to just get married at the court house instead of continuing to wait and attempt to save for our church wedding. I could see it wasn't going to happen any time soon- especially with a third mouth to feed. So we got married on April 2nd, which added his income to my household, and disqualified me for daycare assistance. Aside from the huge cost of daycare, I was so sick there was no way I could even consider going back into the work force.
So, SAHM I stayed!
Since then we've had 1 more child, and the whole time I've managed to hold down the fort, especially since we moved up here to Montana. Hubs has worked at his job since we've been here, and been gone 14 hours a day every day he goes in. And the whole time I manage to control the household- to a degree. A livable, unorganized amount of control, but an amount that I could handle.
When it's time to go somewhere, I get all 4 of the kids dressed, if hubs is coming, I usually lay his clothes out too, and then get myself dressed. I pack the diaper bag, I gather whatever we need to take with us- wallets, sippy cups, fruit to snack on, grocery list, whatever it happens to be. Basically all my husband has to do it get his clothes on, grab his wallet and keys, and get in the car, as I usually get them packed in by myself when he's at work, or he'll put Tommy in his car seat while I help the older ones strap in.

Now, I manage to do all this, whether he is at home or not. Usually within 30-45 minutes. I try to get started about an hour before we have to leave, but that really depends on how much work I need to do to get out the door. Sometimes I get hubs to help me put Tommy's clothes on him, but I pick them out and give them to Tommy to take to daddy.

So why is it that he is not capable of the same thing?

I had a doctors appointment the other day and it was a little later in the afternoon. My appointments are in the big city, so I have about an hour drive to get from driveway to doctor. I told him, before I left, that he may have to take Sissy to cheerleading practice that night, if I didn't make it back in time. After my appointment I had a few errands I needed to run, so I knew there was a good chance I wouldn't make it back in time.

I went to my doctor, started out on my errands, and called him at about 3:30. She needed to be there at 5, and I still had stuff to do... it wasn't looking like I was coming home before 5.


Now, let me just clarify, nothing he had to do was complex. Get 3 children dressed, and tell 1 child to get her clothes on. For the most part, the two older boys know where their clothes are and can get them on themselves as well, so even that part is not a huge process. Then pack 4 children in the car, drive 2 minutes, and drop one off. Drive 2 minutes home, unpack children, wait for mommy to get home. So, just so we're clear here- I didn't ask him to do too much, did I?

Also, let me add, the man is NOT an idiot. He's not dumb in ANY way. The man could take a car apart and put it back together. He can draw out a plan to build just about anything, then follow through with the plan. He knows more about fabrication, welding, mechanics, and construction than any person I've ever known. So why is getting 4 children out the door so hard for him?
He can tell you statistics on vehicles from memory- not just make, model, and year, but engine size, horsepower, if they only came in 2 door or if there was a 4-door option. He can weld almost any two materials together, and those that he can't he can tell you how to do it, or why it can't be done. He was in the navy for 12 years and can recall details about a submarine or a ship from stern to stem, inside and out. So why is it he can't remember where his own children's socks are at?


He calls me at 4:45 to ask me where I am. I just left the post office, still in the city. One more quick stop and I'm ready to come home.
"Well I guess I need to get the kids ready to go then, huh?"
Needless to say, Sissy was 20 minutes late to practice.
And what's worse?
I pulled in the driveway at 6:10. As I hit park, I saw the reverse lights come on in the car. He was JUST leaving to go get her. Practice was over at 6.

Let me 'disclaim' here- this blog is NOT about drama. It's not a place for me to come and vent about crap daily. It's gonna happen, it's life. But I didn't create this blog to have a hidden place to complain about people- my husband included.
99% of the time my husband is the best man I've ever known. He's the best daddy, the best husband, and best friend I could ever have. BUT, like all humans, occasionally he screws up. And when it comes to doing my job, well, the screw ups are pretty big.


So, do I think a man can do a woman's job? Can a man be a stay at home dad?
Maybe. Maybe some men can.
Just not my man.